A Note From The Editor...April 2003

Last week, it was sunny and 70 degrees, causing daffodils to bounce out of the soil in an exuberant display of Spring. Yesterday, it snowed five inches. 

Looking out my window today, I observe all these changes, much as I observe all of life. Through books, magazines and television, I am the Observer, facing outward, watching the world. It's not a bad life. But my growth is slowed when I use the windows of the world this way. My quality of life is not improved by facing outward, and I become rudderless and drifting. Facing outward, I'm too enamored with activities around me and easily swayed left and right by people and events I'm observing. And on a dark night, all I can see in the window was my own reflection.

When I look in the mirror, my sight is drawn to a single point of focus: my inner world. In the mirror I see my inner process, my neuroses, my belief systems, my values. I discover my passions and purpose in life. I create my visions, my goals. I devise a plan to move forward in life. I find my wisdom and compassion. Facing inward, I become a Participant in my life.

If you are constantly looking out the window of life, get yourself a mirror instead.

Peace,

Karyn 

Visit our website: http://www.seekerscircle.com

--Gallagher

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

--Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Upcoming Teleclasses and Chats

http://www.seekerscircle.com/marketing-success.htm

It's Not About The Marlboros

by Drew Rozell, Ph.D.

I recently stopped smoking. Don’t know if I’ve had my last cigarette or not. That’s not really important to me. What is important right now is that it has been very easy for me to make this change in my life. And this is a behavior that’s consumed some of my mental energy for over a decade.

We all have our addictions in life. Smoking, working, overeating, fear of failure, stress, negativity. There’s a lot to choose from, I know. We all have something about ourselves that we want to change. We all have something great that we want to allow ourselves to accomplish. And yet we can go through a lifetime, never becoming the person we really want to be. Doesn’t that seem odd to you? Why is it so difficult for us to change behaviors that we know keeps us from having the kind of lives that we most want?

Why did I continue to smoke for so long when this never fit the concept I had of myself? Being a couple months removed from the behavior, I think I have some perspective on this question. The truth of why I smoked has nothing to do with nicotine. It has nothing to do with the neurons in my brain or the science of addiction. There’s a much simpler truth as to why I repeatedly engaged in a behavior that left me feeling bad about myself.

I wanted to.

It’s the same reason we fail to make any of the changes we say we want to make. We’d rather keep doing what we are currently doing. Over the past ten years, if you asked me if I wanted to stop smoking, it’s very likely that I would have said that I did. So why didn’t I? Or, rather, why couldn’t I? Yes, there were dozens of reasons why I knew it would be beneficial for me to stop this behavior, but only one question matters in any change that we want to make. How do you feel about making this change?

I associated not smoking with "quitting." And thus this change would be about sacrifice, it would be about pain, it would be about being deprived of the pleasure of smoking. None of those associations feels very good. I kept smoking because by smoking I could avoid the pain I associated with stopping. Whether I was aware of it or not, I wanted to keep smoking.

And that’s the same reason we do anything. Because we want to.

Whether we realize it or not, we always get what we want. By this I mean that we always attract to us that which reflects our wants, our feelings.

When you ask yourself what you really want, the critical step is to identify how you really feel about what you are asking for. Again, not your thoughts about what you are asking for, not the knee jerk response that you "feel good" about the idea. Look deeper.

Do the emotions behind what you are asking for match what you are telling the universe that you want? When there is a match, you attract what you want easily. If you are struggling to get what you say you want, there is not a match. For example, you cannot easily become thin when you feel fat. You cannot easily become abundant if you feel poor. You cannot easily move toward your ideal life when deep down you doubt that it’s possible. There may be a source of anxiety, frustration, or fear associated with what you want. And that will need to change.

I wasn’t even trying to stop smoking. In fact, I dropped the pressure to stop altogether for I knew that old cycle well. Put pressure on myself to quit. Stop the behavior. Revert to old behavior. Feel bad about self. Repeat. I knew that did not work, so I figured I must be smoking for a reason (even if I didn’t really know what it was) and I began to allow myself to just smoke. I stopped looking at this as a problem that I had to fix and accepted it as being part of who I was.

Without the pressure on myself to "quit" or do "what I should do" the positive feelings about what I wanted were allowed to take root and grow. With time they replaced the negative feelings associated with what I’d be leaving behind. I now had positive emotion behind not smoking, rather than feelings of denial and sacrifice. What I said I wanted and how I felt were finally a match. Simple. Easy. Effective.

Remember, you always get what you want. Always. Double check what you are really asking for by becoming more aware of the emotions behind your desires.

=====

--Betty Deramus

Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen.

Messages from The Other Side

It'll be a message-packed seminar and, with the help of a few brave souls from the audience, Dr. Lauren prove that anyone can give a message. (Well, the brave ones at least...) It's just another way to document that our loved ones are around us all the time -- and that YOU can learn to decode their messages.

So while you may not get a message --although she'll try to reach as many people as she can in the two-hour session-- you WILL be part of a very special event certain to touch your heart, and possibly open it to a new level of understanding this amazing universe we live in.

Messages from The Other Side will be held in a theatre in Hamilton, NJ --yes, the kind you see movies in-- to give Dr. Lauren good sightlines to people in attendance, wherever they're seated. A video/CD signing will follow the event.

The location is just off I-295 and easily accessed from the South Jersey & Philadelphia regions, as well as the Princeton metro region. If you're taking the train, it's just a five-minute cab ride from the Hamilton station on the NE Corridor Line, New Jersey Transit--about 1 1/2 hours from NYC's Penn Station.

If you'd like to attend, the advance ticket price for general seating is $40. A limited number of VIP seats are available for $60. All tickets must be prepaid to ensure a seat. If there are any seats remaining, at-the-door pricing is $45.

PLEASE NOTE that we are limiting attendance to increase your odds of receiving a message from the Other Side.

For tickets, visit:

http://www.drlauren.com/

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